Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon
Brandmeier Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and
is a frequent contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
JOKES JAY REJECTED
Through Week of Dec. 8th, 2006:
I have to warn you, I had lunch at Taco Bell today.....So
I may not be staying until 2009 after all.
Jessica Simpson froze up while singing a tribute
to Dolly Parton at the Kennedy Center
Honors on Sunday night.....And today Jessica defended herself saying
that when the show's producers asked her to sing "9 to 5,"
she told them she couldn't sing that long.
Former 'N Sync member Lance Bass and former "Amazing
Race" winner Reichen Lehmkuhl have broken
up.....Apparently they each found out that the other guy was gay.
According to the New York Post,Hillary Clinton
has admitted to New York lawmakers that she plans on "waddling"
for president.
For the third week in a row, "Happy Feet"
was the top-grossing movie at the box office.....It's an animated
film about the mass exodus of conservatives from the Bush Administration.
Our condolences go out to George Clooney whose 300-pound
potbellied pig, Max, passed away last week. George
says he has no plans to get another pig..... Especially with Danny
Devito still rummaging around in his backyard.
Say what you will about Michael Richards, but the
guy has gone to the ends of the world to apologize.....Today he was
spotted at a nursing sit-in at Delta Airlines breastfeeding a black
baby. And he didn't use the "T-word" once.
Minneapolis has demoted the nation's first openly
lesbian big-city fire chief amidst accusations of discrimination and
sexual harassment.....You know how know your fire chief might be a
lesbian? She refuses to slide down the pole.
French film star Catherine Deneuve appears on FX's
"Nip/Tuck" as a woman who wants
her breast implants filled with her dead husband's ashes.....That'll
make for quite a funeral: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your
husband Francois is now your bust."
Al-Jazeera, the Arab TV network, began broadcasting
from its English-language news channel for the first time recently.....Al-Jazeera
also has an Englsih-language newspaper. It's called The New York
Times.
A man arrested after engaging in--quote--"overt sexual activity"
on a Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles
to North Carolina now says he was merely lying with
his head in his girlfriend's lap because he was sick.....I think most
of us have gotten sick in that position.
A Kentucky woman who was worshipping at a church
that practices "serpent handling" died after being bitten
by a timber rattlesnake.....The church absolved itself of responsibility
for the attack saying the woman just seemed to be "snake bitten."
Pope Benedict XVI posed for a 2007 calendar
that features 14 original poses of the pontiff taken at his summer
home outside Rome.....For those of you who actually read the text,
the Pope's "turn-ons" include fasting and penance and his
"turn-offs" include killing and coveting.
ABC won the networks' election night news coverage
ratings battle. Which is appropriate because, in Congress, it wasn't
so much an election as it was an "Extreme Makeover."
Good news/bad news for Minnesota Representative Keith Ellison:
The good news is, Ellison became the first Muslim elected to the United
States Congress last month.....The bad news is, he was arrested for
taking a picture of the U.S. Capitol and was sent to Guantanamo
Bay.
And finally, and not a moment too soon.....
A Wisconsin man has been charged with "sexual
gratification with an animal" after allegedly having sex with
a dead deer he found on the side of the road.....When
asked why he didn't just have sex with a live deer the man said, "What
do I look like, a pervert?".....In court documents the deer and
the man were referred to as "Jane and John Doe."
SONGS
WE JUST PLAYED
