Jokes Jay Rejected By: Gino Giovannetti
Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon Brandmeier
Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and is a frequent
contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
JOKES JAY REJECTED
The Week January 8th, 2007
President Gerald Ford was buried in his hometwon
of Grand Rapids, MI on Wednesday.....Ford is best known for being
the only American president whose funeral lasted longer than his presidency.
Munkith Faroon, the man who prosectued Saddam Hussein,
said that when guards began to taunt Saddam on the gallows, he came
this close to calling off the execution.....But apparently he didn't
want to leave anyone else hanging.
Linton Brooks was fired from his job as the head of the National
Nuclear Security Administration.....That's gotta make you
mad. You get fired by a guy who can't even pronounce "nuclear."
An FBI report reveals that former Chief Justice William Rehnquist
was so disoriented while being treated for addiction to painkillers
that he imagined the CIA was plotting against him and he tried to
escape the hospital in his pajamas......That's what makes this such
a great country. You start hallucinating and bolt from the hospital
in your pajamas. They make you put a robe on. And the next thing you
know you're Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court!
CBS has announced that "60 Minutes" will
not replace the late correspondent Ed Bradley in
the middle of the TV season.....In a related story, CBS announced
that they're changing the name of the show to "52 Minutes."
Whitney Houston is selling hundreds of personal items
at a New Jersey auction house. The auctioned items include a slot
machine, a leather whip, and 13 bustier bras adorned with animal prints
and sequins.....So apparently what happens in 'Vegas doesn't always
stay in 'Vegas.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
have reached a temporary joint custody agreement. Under terms of the
agreement, Britney will keep the kids. And K-Fed will keep the joints.
Lindsay Lohan had her appendix removed yesterday.
That's what I call growing up fast..... One day you're removing your
panties for paparazzi. The next day you're removing your appendix.
Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese
are getting divorced after a year of marriage..... Apparently they
had nothing in common--except hair, makeup, nails and wardrobe.
Verne Troyer who played "Mini-Me" in the
Austin Powers movies has entered rehab in Michigan for alcoholism.....In
lieu of flowers, please send Miller(R) shorties.
Two people were stabbed to death at Cheli's Chili Bar
in Detroit, a sports bar owned by Detroit Red Wings defenseman Chris
Chelios.....If convicted, the perpetrator faces up to 10 minutes in
the penalty box.
Tiger Woods and his wife announced that they're having
a baby. And Michael Jordan and his wife announced that they're getting
a divorce.....You don't suppose--nah!
A calf with two faces was born at a dairy farm in Virginia
last month. The calf has two noses, two tongues, and two jaws--but
only one mouth.....A "two-faced cow." Isn't
that what The Donald called Rosie.
A Chicago woman was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning
after playing a game of "Trivial Pursuit" in which participants
had to down a drink every time they gave a wrong answer.....A Hollywood
movie is already in the works. It's called "Dumb & Drunker."
And finally, and not a moment too soon.....
Parents of a disabled 9-year-old girl who cannot sit up, roll over,
walk or talk had her uterus and breast tissue removed and had large
doses of hormones injected to stunt her growth. They call her "pillow
angel" because she sits neatly atop a pillow.....If
that sounds creepy, you should meet "rear-view mirror girl"
and "wallet boy."
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