Jokes Jay Rejected By: Gino Giovannetti
Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon Brandmeier
Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and is a frequent
contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
JOKES JAY REJECTED
The Week of February 5th, 2007
Wednesday is Valentine's Day. That's the day when
guys give their ladies flowers, candy and jewelry.....And girls give
their guys ultimatums.
Lisa Nowak, the NASA astronaut who drove from Houston
to Orlando wearing a wig and diapers to confront a woman she believed
was involved with Discovery astronaut William Oefelein,
says her relationship with the space shuttle pilot was "more
than a working relationship, but less than a romantic relationship.".....You
know, like the Clintons.....Astronauts wear diapers on launch and
re-entry. You know what I wear on launch and re-entry? A condom!
San Francisco's Mayor Gavin Newsom says he's entering
rehab for alcoholism after admitting to having an affair with the
wife of his former campaign manager.....Talk about rubbing salt in
the wound. First the guy says he screwed your wife. Then he says he
had to get drunk to do it.
Ryan O'Neal who was arrested for assault with a deadly
weapon over the weekend now says he fired his gun in self-defense
after his son, Griffin O' Neal, tried to whack him
repeatedly with a fireplace poker.....Love means never having to say,
"Drop it or I'll shoot." Gives new meaning to the term "Celebrity
Poker."
According to the Archives of General Psychiatry,
being lonely in old age can double the risk of getting Alzheimer's
Disease.....The moral of the story: Don't forget who your friends
are.
An 80-year-old woman in Maine who was home watching
the Super Bowl Sunday avoided being a victim of sexual assault by
faking a heart attack.....I don't know what's worse. Going to prison
for assaulting an 80-year-old woman. Or having everybody know she
was faking it.
Speaking of Maine, a high school basketball coach
in Maine has been fired for telling his players to "stand up,
put your hands in your pants, and check your manhood.".....Boy
oh boy, when I was a kid they just told us to keep our hands
up on defense.....We used to call that a "reaching in" foul.
According to a study in the February issue of Pediatrics,
nearly half of Internet users aged 10 to 17 have been exposed to online
pornography.....Here in Southern California that figure is much higher.
And that's just counting kids exposed to porn from in front of the
camera.
Speaking of porn and--when am I not?--transit officials in Sofia,
Bulgaria are using giant screens that display bus times during
the day to show soft porn at night to help keep bus passengers' minds
off the cold and pass the time.....Is this a good idea? Sitting next
to a creepy Bulgarian on a bus who watched porn before boarding?
Nearly one million Easy Bake Ovens manufactured in
China by the toymaker Hasbro have been recalled because
they pose a fire risk.....You know what you call an Easy Bank Oven
in China? An "upgrade."
And finally, and not a moment too soon.....
Farrah Fawcett celebrated her 60th birthday last
Friday by declaring victory in her four-month bout with anal cancer.....Farrah's
doctors say her prognosis is "excellent"-- providing she
is not shot or bludgeoned to death with a fireplace poker.
SONGS
WE JUST PLAYED
