By: Gino Giovannetti

Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon Brandmeier Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and is a frequent contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”

Jokes Jay Rejected for the week April 17th, 2006

They held the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House Monday and about 100 gay and lesbian couples attended.....It was easy to pick out the gays and lesbians. They were the ones using donor eggs.

A school teacher in South Dakota was pulled over for repeatedly speeding at more than 100 miles-per-hour on her way to school.....Hopefully she’s not the driver’s ed teacher.

A Haitian “voodoo” woman who was arrested for smuggling a human head into a Ft. Lauderdale airport has plea bargained the charges down to “improper storage of human remains.” What exactly is the proper way to store a human head on an airplane? Check it in a bowling bag? Stuff it in an overhead compartment? Put it under your seat?

Chinese President Hu Jintao visited the White House Thursday. Hu was welcomed with a 21-gun salute. Well, actually it was a 22-gun salute if you count Dick Cheney.

A study in the Archives of Surgery found that “wrong-site surgeries”— surgeries performed on the wrong person, organ or limb—only occur once every five to ten years at large hospitals.....That’s gotta be a big relief to the guy who just had his testicles removed instead of his tonsils.

Disturbing news out of St. Louis where a former catering company worker killed the owner and her daughter before turning the gun on himself.....Co-workers described the man as “an angry former employee.” Gee, whatever gave ‘em that idea? That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?

The second marriage of Eminem to his high school sweetheart has ended in divorce after just 83 days. And today Renee Zellweger said “Eighty-three days, that’s like forever.”

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby girl the other day.....The baby was delivered by “silent birth.” And judging by Tom’s previous relationships, I’m guessing it followed “silent conception.”

Robert DeNiro just opened a new sushi restaurant, Nobu 57, in Midtown Manhattan to go along with his Nobu restaurant downtown. Just imagine Bobby D at his own sushi restaurant: “Sushi-MEEE! Sushi-YOUUU! Sushi-YOUUUUU!!!”

Bob Schieffer said yesterday that he may do commentaries for the “CBS Evening News” when Katie Couric takes over as anchor in September. And today CBS confirmed that Katie will actually deliver the news while sitting on Bob’s lap.

The journal Nature reports that the discovery in Argentina of 90-million-year-old snake fossils indicates that, in fact, snakes had legs. What’s the big deal? I’ve always known snakes had legs. They’re called attorneys.

And finally, and not a moment too soon....A Salvadoran woman was arrested after trying to smuggle marijuana and a live grenade into prison in her vagina. Authorities suspect that the contraband was intended to help inmates break out of prison. Which is kind of ironic because dope, weapons and p____ is what lands most guys in prison in the first place.

Goodnight Everybody. Gino@wlup.com