Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon Brandmeier
Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and is a frequent
contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
Jokes Jay Rejected for the week April 24th, 2006
The average price for regular gas is $2.94 a gallon nationwide…..And
to save on fuel costs, President Bush vowed that
the next war he starts will be fought “right here in the good
ol’ U.S. of A.”
Millions of illegal immigrants marched in cities
across the United States on Monday…..The march started in Mexico
and ended in kitchens, gardens and hotel rooms all over America.
Portraits of Bill and Hillary Clinton were unveiled
at the Smithsonian yesterday…..And today Hillary complained
that the portraits had been framed by A “vast right-wing conspiracy.”
ABC announced that Rosie O’Donnell will replace
Meredith Viera on “TheView”…..It’s about time
we got a man’s perspective on “The View.”
Showtime announced that Marlee Matlin will join the
cast of “The ‘L’ Word,” the
network’s show about trendy L.A. gays, as Jennifer Beals’
love interest…..At her audition, Marlee wowed producers by moaning
with both hands.
Rapper Fitty Cent says he could care less about Oprah
or her show because “she caters to older white women”…..And
today Ashton Kutcher said, “Heh, what’s wrong with that?”
A 34-year-old masseuse at the Old Course Hotel in Fife, Scotland
has accused Kevin Costner of “pleasuring
himself” while she gave him a massage on his honeymoon…..”Would
you like me to finish you off?” “Way ahead of you on that
one, babe”…..Apparently she rubbed him the wrong way.
Al Qaeda terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi posted
a new video on the Internet in which he showed his face and warned
of more attacks…..I think it’s a pretty recent video,
too, because at one point Zarqawi says, “Suri?
What kind of name is that for a baby?”
According to a Pew Research Center telephone poll,
one in four Americans have unrealistic dieting goals…..The other
three out of four Americans were too fat to get to the phone in time
to answer.
On the 19th of this month, Japan’s Matsushita Electric company
is introducing itsn new $2300 waterproof laptop…..That’ll
come in handy if the last e-mail you sent was “Help—I’m
drowning!”
An Oregon man was hospitalized after firing a dozen
nails into his skull with a nail gun in a failed suicide attempt…..Doctors
say if the man had been a baker, he’d probably be dead.
And finally, and not a moment too soon…..
Danish supermodel and former Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition model
May Andersen was arrested on an Amsterdam to Miami
flight after allegedly striking a flight attendant…..For her
mug shot, Ms. Andersen rolled around in wet sand and covered her privates
with sea shells.
SONGS
WE JUST PLAYED
