At the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, twin girls joined at the chest and stomach and sharing vital organs were completely separated for the first time.....And no sooner was the last tissue cut before their Hollywood publicist issued a statement saying, "Don't believe everything you read. They're still trying to work things out. That's what they said about Chad Lowe and Hillary Swank."

People advocating the legalization of undocumented workers argue that illegal immigrants from Mexico work jobs that most Americans don't want anyway.....That's ridiculous! I know a lot of people who would like to play shortstop in the Major Leagues or ride in the Belmont Stakes.

Britney Spears is pregnant again.....Let's see now, that gives Britney two Federline kids. And one borderline husband.

Those two Australian miners who were trapped 3,000 feet underground for nearly two weeks have finally been rescued. And not a moment too soon.....Because when R Kelly heard there were two "minors" trapped down there, he tried to urinate on them.

In an interview with the German newspaper Bild, President Bush says the "best moment" of his presidency was when he caught a 7 1/2-pound largemouth bass on his own lake.....The "worst moment" came when he had to clean it in his own laundry tub.....Is it me or does catching a fish pale in comparison to the "New Deal," "V-E Day," Rapprochement with China, or ending the Cold War?

In Florida, trappers using pig lungs as bait tried to find an alligator that killed and dismembered a jogger on land and dragged her into a canal. Authorities killed two alligators for naught, one of which had only tennis balls and a football in its stomach.....Police are searching for a gym teacher with no balls.

Employees at the Alaska Zoo are trying to get 8,000-pound Maggie the elephant to work out on a custom-made $100,000 treadmill, to no avail.....If the elephant doesn't work out on the treadmill, zoo authorities say she won't be able to use the pool, spa, steam room, tennis ball courts or juice bar.

According to the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the brains of lesbians react similarly, but not exactly, to those of straight men.....And a follow-up study reveals that the tongues of straight men react similarly, but less enthusiastically, to those of lesbians.

And finally, and not a moment too soon...

Paul and Heather Mills McCarthy are separating.....I guess the final straw came when Sir Paul clubbed a seal to death with her new leg.

Goodnight Everybody. Gino@wlup.com