The mayor of Ipswich, Australia says there are too many brothels in his town located next to cememeteries and he wants to separate them by at least 600 feet.....Apparently the mayor doesn't want people down under doing anything, you know, down under next to people who are down under.....Not a lot of difference between prostitutes and cadavers when you think about it. They're both rather cold. They both spend most of their time on their backs. And they both smell really bad after awhile.

President Bush went jogging with a paraplegic Iraqi war veteran on the South Lawn of the White House yesterday.....And today the United States Supreme Court declared Bush the winner.

Police in Goshen, Indiana pulled over an ice cream truck, confiscated an open bottle of vodka, and charged the driver with driving under the influence of alcohol.....You know something's up when your kid comes back from the ice cream truck with a brandy Alexander.

The Swiss food giant Nestle has bought the Jenny Craig weight-loss company for $600 million.....And today Jenny Craig announced that the first 20 pounds you gain on chocolate is free.

Bill Gates announced that he's going to work part time for Microsoft for a couple of years before devoting all of his time to his charitable foundation. Bill's wife, Melinda, is furious.....She had to take a job as a travel agent just to make ends meet.

According to The New York Times, DC Comics' "Batwoman" is going to become a crime-fighting lesbian. "Batowman" a lesbian?.....I guess the plaid cape and denim tights should have been a clue.

A Corpus Christi, Texas woman received a severed human finger in the mail from her ex-boyfriend with a note that said, "This is my last chance to touch you".....I hope for her sake this isn't his version of foreplay because you know what could be coming in the mail next.

Star Jones announced that she's leaving ABC's morning talk show "The View." Wouldn't it be something if she was replaced by Dan Rather?.....This way, you'd still have someone on the show who was fired by "60 Minutes."

And finally, and not a moment too soon.....

Good news/bad news for a 68-year-old Providence, Rhode Island handyman. The good news is, the man won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year-erection. The bad news is, well, there really is no bad news to that story, is there.....I also had a 10-year erection, it was called "college."

Goodnight Everybody. Gino@wlup.com