Gino Giovannetti is a member of the “Jonathon
Brandmeier Show” on The LOOP--WLUP 97.9-FM Radio—and
is a frequent contributor to “The Tonight Show With Jay
Leno.”
Jokes Jay Rejected for the week August 21st, 2006
A Maryland man has been charged with attempted murder
after dousing his girlfriend with gas and setting her on fire.....Well,
she's not really his girlfriend. More like an "old flame."
Chinese farmer whose face was disfigured in a bear
attack has been discharged from the hospital after undergoing a partial
face transplant.....That just goes to show you how far Asians will
go to save face.
In the wake of the terror plot in Britain, American airports are banning
all liquids and gels including soft soap, sunscreen and toothpaste.....That
won't make us any safer. But it will help us blend in with the enemy.
Chicago Cubs third-base coach Chris Speier was arrested last month
for DUI after failing to stop at a stop sign on his motorcycle.....Wouldn't
you think a third-base coach would be the last person to run through
a stop sign?
They held the seventh annual Gay Games in Chicago
recently. The ancient Greeks believed that homosexuality enhanced
athleticism.....I don't know about that, but it certainly makes you
jump higher.
Paris Hilton was bitten by her racoon-like pet kinkajou,
"Baby Luv.".....As a precaution, the kinkajou was given
a tetanus shot.
In Bountiful, Utah, the body of a 52-year-old woman
was found stuffed head first into a freezer.....Police aren't sure
how long the woman's body had been in the freezer. But I'm guessing
it wasn't there as long as the frozen fish sticks.
John Mark Karr, who confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey,
was flown from Thailand to L.A. in business class while dining on
fried prawns, roast duck, beer, wine and champagne.....It was all
part of Air Thailand's new "Pedophiles Fly Free" promotion.
Speaking of flying, despite the Internet buzz, "Snakes
on a Plane"drew only $15.2 million at the box
office on opening weekend.....Sounds more like "Snakes on
the Wane."
And finally, and not a moment too soon.....
Women in North Korea are eating more dog meat because
they believe that the so-called "sweet meat" gives them
softer, more resilient skin.....Dermatologists aren't sure if it's
the dog meat itself that's so good for the skin. Or if it's the fact
that the women can now lick themselves!
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