24 September 2007

Osama bin Laden released yet another video in time for the sixth anniversary of 9/11. I’m not sure it’s authentic, though.  Because if you slow it down and freeze frame it you can see Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley doing stomach crunches in the background.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig, who was arrested in that Minneapolis airport bathroom sting, has agreed once again to “surrender his seat.” Surrender his seat?  Isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?

A Greenwood, Indiana mother has been charged with neglect after repeatedly giving her 12-year-old daughter applesauce spiked with Prozac. Doctors warn that eating Prozac can increase suicidal thoughts, but admit they’re mighty tasty with heroin-laced potato pancakes.

According to “The Meth Project,” a non-profit anti-drug group, one in four teens—25%—say it’s easy to get methamphetamine. Fortunately, three out of four teens say it’s not that easy to get meth. Which is why they pay the other 25% to get them meth.

In Salemburg, North Carolina three men are charged with holding 10 teenagers at gunpoint and forcing them to smoke marijuana and have sex with each other. Police are calling it “second-degree kidnapping.”
The teenagers are calling it “spring break.”

The Lea County, New Mexico jail was locked down after inmates rioted to protest the jail’s policy to give inmates just one sausage at dinner. Not enough sausage in prison?  I think we can file this under, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Did you all see the Emmy Awards on Sunday?  I tell ya, the Emmys got bleeped more times than O.J. Simpson in a Las Vegas hotel room.

According to TMZ.com, while jailed in Las Vegas, O.J. requested a Bible and reading glasses. Either O.J. has found religion, or he hollowed out the New Testament and made a shiv out of reading glasses.

The NFL season is underway.  Not a lot of rules changes this year. Teams still have to have seven offensive players on the line of scrimmage.  Three players in prison.  And one in rehab.

A man wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt in an Oklahoma bar was nearly castrated after an irate Oklahoma Sooners fan dragged him to the ground by his testicles, which required 60 stitches to close the wound. The moral of the story: Never ask a redneck for “beer nuts.”

With the 2008 Summer Olympic Games less than a year away, They’re opening the first Hooters Restaurant in Beijing. Flat girls with short legs serving lead-based chicken wings? Count me out.

Spanish bullfighter Jose Maria Manzanares survived 57 bullfights this year before he was felled by a mosquito that transmitted a tropical virus during the bullfighter’s Latin American tour. If that sounds bad, you should see what the mosquito did to the clown.  Tore him to shreds.

Scientists writing in the medical journal The Lancet say we can combat global warming by eating less red meat.  The scientists say eating less red meat will reduce the methane gasses associated with cow flatulence—helping to cool temperatures. I’m not a scientist.  But if you’re living under a cloud of cow flatulence, I’d be more worried about what the cow is eating than what you’re eating.

Leona Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, “Trouble,” a $12- million trust fund. I tell ya what, if I’m a dog with $12 million, I’m paying some other dog to lick me.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen celebrated their 21st birthdays recently.
And, coincidentally, they both weigh 21 pounds.

The judge in the Phil Spector murder trial has announced that the jury is “deadlocked”—unable to reach a verdict. I’m not sure if that’s because some of the jurors think Spector is innocent.  Or if they think Phil is too creepy even for prison.

And finally, and not a moment too soon…

Good news/bad news for a Kentucky man who exposed his genitals on a Frontier Airlines Louisville to Denver flight: The bad news is, the man was charged with obscene and indecent exposure on an aircraft. The good news is, he wasn’t wearing a Kentucky T-shirt in an Oklahoma bar.

Goodnight everybody.  Drive safely.



Gino@wlup.com